


The Notebook

by wait_is_that_a_ship



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes's Notebooks, Memory Loss, Mixed Media, Recovery, Short One Shot, i have no idea what this is, trying to sort shit out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 01:55:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15109394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wait_is_that_a_ship/pseuds/wait_is_that_a_ship
Summary: Bucky Barnes has scattered memories and a notebook. He doesn't quite know what he's doing, but maybe it will work out in the end.





	The Notebook

My name is James Buchanan Barnes.  
Je m'appelle James Bucky Barnes  
Mam na imię Bucky Barnes.  
Ich heiße James Barnes.  
My name is _Bucky_.

His mothers name was Sarah. 

> "Mrs Sarah, Mrs Sarah! Stevie's done gone one of 'is attacks again! He can barely breathe."

Steve used to wear newspapers in his shoes, to make them fit and to stave off the cold.

The fucking chair.

> pain screams forgetting hold on no pain pain red pain screams his don't forget pain pain pain blank

Ma sœur a s'appellé Rebecca.

[A drawing of Rebecca's face. He never wanted to forget her smile again.]

Ma mère a s'appellé Winifred. Je pense.  
Maman.

> A soft hand was guiding his, teaching him the motions of chopping herbs and vegetables, preparing meat for their dinner. A soft voice praised him for chopping a carrot without cutting himself. A soft kiss pressed to his head, and the woman turned around to add water to the pan over the fire.

[A double page. On one side is a reasonably accurate drawing of Steve, when he was young, all skinny and frail but determined. On the other side is Steve, taller and stronger, that determination still burning bright within him. Steven Grant Rogers, the drawings are labeled. Stevie.]

Steven Grant Rogers.

> A small body, curled up in bed, coughing violently. A large body, arms wrapped round the shoulders. A warm feeling in the chest. A sunrise smile on both of their faces.

I'm with you t'il the end of the line.  
When is the end of the line?

Playing cards around a campfire. Steve cheating like a bastard. Other men? Dum Dum, Monty, Gabe, Jim et Dernier. Who are they?  
>The Howling Commandos.

> Racing through Europe on the backs of motorbikes, setting fire to HYDRA every step of the way.

Falling. Fucking hate falling. Don't let go.

QUERY: Who am I?  
_Je m'appelle James Buchanan Barnes_  
Je ne sais pas.

> He looked down at the knife, watched it glint in the soft candlelight.

I killed people.  
Lots of people.

> A knife in his hands, covered in blood. A body lay on the floor, surrounded by red, streaming from a neat slash in the neck. The knife was cold in the flesh hand, and the bones were cold cold cold but he ignored it: it was non-mission critical. The cold was in his bones, cold cold cold and there was blood, blood everywhere and a knife in his hand and it was cold and dark and he didn't know what to do -

[A rifle, drawn in meticulous detail. He knew every inch of it, inside and out.]

Steven Grant Rogers.  
Captain Steven Grant Rogers.  
Steve.  
Captain Rogers.  
Steven.  
Punk.  
Steve Rogers.  
Captain Steve Rogers.  
Stevie.  
Captain America.  
Steven Grant Rogers.

[A sketch of his room, back when he was a child. Two small beds, crammed into a tiny room. Clothes everywhere. Rebecca was asleep on her bed.]

Steve used to get ill a lot. Why doesn't he now? Asthma, breathing. Him in hospital, or in bed. Hardly ever in school, passed anyway. Coughing up blood. Mission: Protect.

[A rough sketch of the Captain America shield.]

QUERY: WHO AM I  
James Buchanan Barnes  
Sergeant Barnes  
James Barnes  
Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes  
Barnes  
James Buchanan  
Sergeant James Barnes  
Buchanan  
Buck?  
Bucky Barnes?  
Bucky.


End file.
